I am on a path of self-discovery
Today is February 1, 2016. I am a yogi beginning my yoga teacher training certification. It is a very vulnerable and intensive experience because I am stepping outside my comfort zone and as I like to describe it “I am finding my edge.”
Despite the fact that the end result is to instruct, this course is broadening my perspective and I am rediscovering my philosophy on life. This is a major shift because it is questioning my values and what is important to me. Perplexing, challenging, conflicting are words that pop up in my head often, but the words freeing and responsive come to mind equally.
I am perplexed. I am challenged. I am conflicted. I am because the class, the books, the wisdom and the exercises are pushing me to think in a brand new way. A shift of perception and self-realization. Mix those with ego and true identity and it unveils a lot of insecurities and pieces about myself and where I am in my life that are difficult to accept. But let me also emphasize that these feelings and vulnerabilities are not dispiriting or discouraging. They just are and I am ok with that… which leads me to
I am free. I am responsive. I am open to these aha moments, even the moments when I feel extremely inadequate and undeserving of being there/here. It is truly a gratifying experience to know that the other students are kind and forgiving. Most of them feel the same as me. We just project it differently.
At the end of the day, we are all humans with baggage and insecurities, not to mention we are really interconnected on a deeper level. So, with that said, the more I practice loving kindness, mindfulness and forgiveness for my shortcomings and to those around me, then I know I am on the path.
I recall a moment after practice “teaching” a vinyasa, where I took a moment and I said to my peers “Perhaps the students appreciate my teaching and direction. That maybe perhaps they are empathic to my anxieties, insecurities as I stand before them sharing my philosophy and instruction… that THEY ARE are also perplexed, challenged and conflicted, but also free, responsive and open.
That THEY ARE happy to be in the moment, just as I AM when I’m the practitioner and they are teaching me. We are all in this together. As my teacher emphasized, when we come to a yoga class, we leave all of our fears, frustrations and mind-stuff at the door. We join together on our mats for clarity, confirmation of all that is right in the world and within ourselves.
I am exploring my boundaries with courage and loving kindness.
PEACE and GRATITUDE,
Melissa
swannasana.com 