I had quite a terrible dream last night. It was about me as a yoga teacher… Surprise surprise! Being that I am working toward my yoga certification, I have been student teaching on the weekends in my home to anyone who wants to attend a free and experimental yoga class by a true novice yoga teacher.

We all know the mind is a very complicated instrument and it can play mean tricks on you like saying “you aren’t good enough”, “you are lost and not meant for this”, “shame, unworthy and inadequate”.  In my dream, I was in front of 30+ students in a open room filled with judgmental and competitive yogis and athletes. All eyes on me and I was merely volunteering my time and services to improve upon my practice.  I walk in never expecting to be placed in such a daunting role. I was ridiculed for saying inhale when we all know that you exhale into a downward facing dog!! Geez lady get your shit together! I mean the looks and comments were toxic. It occurred to me, as I was lost in my self doubt and lack of self worth, that I need to rise above this! But I couldn’t. I wanted to get on my soapbox and shout from the rooftop that “Yoga is more than a work-out but a work-in and clearly you people have not realized the true concept of this amazing and gratifying practice.” Instead, I just stared mindlessly, frozen and shaken to the core. But in my mind, I continued to speak with a calm and unwavering voice repeating my mantra in my head “You are Work in Progress.” I walked out of the room feeling physically defeated, but mentally stronger.

Remember this is a dream… but it can become my reality if I allow it to. This is the mind stuff we all battle and it often times is a liar. I am certainly not where I want to be yet. I realize have a very long and productive road ahead of me to continue to grow and practice and maybe teach yoga.

So today, having planned a practice teaching day in my home, I almost canceled. Especially after 9 of the 12 ladies canceled on me. But I didn’t cancel. I taught. Despite the fact that I digressed a bit from the dream and the cancelations and slipping from ground gained. I took this entire experience as a valuable learning lesson from my yoga teacher training class. Let go of expectations and attachments. Understand this mind stuff and ego get in the way. Rise above and you know what? It was fine.

I was fine. I was fine that I was absolutely nervous and unsure of my ability to instruct a class (this is my third time…). I kept repeating my mantra “you are work in progress.” We all are.  You are. She is. He is. I AM. This journey called life is always changing and moving forward… even when we think we are digressing and losing ground, well life is work in progress.

Today after the class, I truly felt I was speaking from my heart and intuition and I was gentle with my students and also with myself. I laughed at my inability to differentiate my lefts and rights. I quietly forgave myself for my insecurities, vulnerabilities and inadequacies. I gave gratitude to my students for sharing their insecurities, vulnerabilities and inadequacies with me. I truly felt honored they shared in this hour with me. And deep down, I believe they were honored too.

As we breathed in we invited connection, mindfulness, acknowledgement and acceptance into our practice and with every exhale let go of judgment, misconceptions, attachments and expectations. That my friends is YOGA. Don’t worry about the when to inhale and exhale. Just breathe and know…

We are work in progress.

Namaste –

Melissa